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I.
The great and empty beach Where stones lay unwashed; Sun burn scolds pitted face Logs leave off what is lost. II. If I had stayed, I would surely have committed suicide, It was in my mind, Like the absence of a lifeline Keeping me safe as it pulls me in. I had nobody, And nobody had me. Even now That seems not so far away, A guessing game: - How do you unwind loneliness, - Reverse the trend of solitude? “You pushed everyone away” Voices echo from the cave, You all pushed me away, A life I had to save. I did not know how to live, Their lives were theirs, Mine was mine; I was not one of them, Just one of me, All the time, All the time.
There’s this gun pointing at my head,
It’s been there for many years; Arms they never tire from aiming the barrel to the temple, that soft spot above my ears.
I've composed sins like it was a pauper's gift of emptiness. I've drawn words like they were subscribing to the field test. Nothing stands in the way but the latency of waiting. And still I perpetuate the myth. Hello to the sun, Goodbye to the night; Blind myself with the staring as though affixed with an addiction. Remember your longing. One step at a time. No one knew the cliff notes for a game worth playing. I lie in wait.
I walked the fiery darkness into my last farewell, Stealing stones from my path Bid the road goodbye. I sulked the bitterly laughter under my mask won’t tell, Ripping bonds from my heart Sacrament of life. - 04/11/2014, Gisborne ‘Coastal burn’ were the original words,
A feeling of expanse across water plains. Flatness extends to clouded skies, Struggling sun to break through. Here come the sparrows a’ pecking for grubs, A mast sleeps high. I wandered through tiredness Night shift changing the slumber posts. Manic expressions left their disease, A desire to please beyond anything seen. Ball sacks swagger between canine hinds, A nose sniffing for traces of territorial claims. I make peace with the ease Words stumble from pen, It was an exaggerated plea Got my ass rushing to seat. For I had to kill time, And sleep evaded the watch. – A Kererū comes to say hello Little mutts prance on by, One squatter a piss in the grass. Fem-sparrow checks me out, Fem-persons were never that forward. Saltwater burn an aqua blue, Light reflection a convoluted mirror. Words run dry, They always do. Saltwater never lies.
Life is fit for opportunity:
Take the seat on your own, Order the cappuccino, Order the chicken tenders, Smile and make yourself presentable Even though you didn't have a shower this morning. "Do you take sugar?" I looked at the bottle of water, The glass just poured. "Yes." She brought me sugar. Love the moment, Hate the feelings, Walk off rejection. Your hair looks good to someone, No matter how messy it fell. Friends may come, Friends may go; Friends are not the ones who leave you alone, Freeze you out, Forget how much a phone call means, How easy a phone call is to make, Place your heart on a stake. They will fade, Their influence diminish; You will start anew, A bird with greater wingspan. Order another coffee, Stay up late, Make no apologies for the past you had to live through - that is yours and yours alone. Some will never know, Some won't want to know, Some will understand, Some play the advantage of their hand. Fly, roll, run, walk, This has all been said before. Words, how they matter not, For The intent is to release the soul From its prison of thoughts.
You had moved on, dear friend
You had moved on. Into another world, dear friend One that left me behind. Fourteen years ago, dear friend We waved good bye. Though no hands were involved All was said with smiles and eyes. You have moved on, dear friend You have moved on. Pictures on the wall, dear friend Of years that are not mine. Footsteps down the hall, dear friend Go your straying eyes. The most common thread runs Now through those two homely lives. You will move on, dear friend You will move on. Into another world, dear friend One that leaves me behind. Fourteen years ago, dear friend We waved good bye. Chasing was not your dream Because chasing is a waste of time. You have moved on, dear friend You have moved on. I returned for you, dear friend To put the past behind. But lost to years between, dear friend The importance of desire. The most common song sung Now warms those two homely fires.
I could not keep chasing
What would not return the favour, I could not keep pretending I was a familiar member. The culture you propagate Is the culture that dictates Who gets left in, who gets left out. Sidelines are drawn For those who wait their turn Clinging tight to a trash-can of memories.
There’s nobody here,
Everyone moved on ago less than a year. We think that’s okay – we being the dust that settles each day. It’s only fair, For no sound could we hear Even if we had ears. They left their lives behind, The memory collects like a photo of time. We think that’s okay Even without the light of day. It’s only fair, We have nothing to give – Who could argue with this? They answered the call of morning And lost all that was once shared, When pride was held for the orning A chill of fear swept through here. Gathering their dreams together They shook away that in which we now bathe, What doesn’t work in hope of forever Will for be prayed on another day. There’s nobody here But the widening gaps of despair. It’s so obvious now Why the dark of night was never allowed. It’s only right We be left without light, Age is our disease once love has lost sight.
Empty words without meaning
Beg for attention, Beg communication. Though listless and undaunting Are these word patterns, Never are they brighter Than the stars that grace the night. Time worn are these verbs Meant to create, Meant to convey. Expressions so undemanding, Though belligerent are their needs, Never does the hunger Rest long enough to plunder.
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