I have had writer's block for over a month. What started prior to beginning work at the Retirement Village when I couldn't get past Chapter 11 of Dim Day, exasperated as I found my sleep cycles pushing me out of daylight hours and into disrupted sleep. What a fine inspiration this would have been for my main character if I had been able to harness that enthusiasm or detail of thought, but instead, I found myself thinking about Welcome Home as dementia and patient behaviour began to inform aspects of that novel (had also started listening to songs associated with that novel).
While I have kept up intermittent exercise, some intermittent notes for Dim Day were written as well, but nothing substantial that moved the novel forward. I resolved to simply take a break and let myself accept that perhaps I needed a break since I am so unused to spending large amounts of time writing. I have a tendency to pick up the guitar, listen to music, organise my music files on the computer, play Fallout Shelter - do anything that isn't writing focused! So, when I decided to actually let go and take a break, my mind went back to Dim Day and I wrote a passage for the final scene last week/end (my weekends are four days as I work three night shifts). The five or six days prior to today were overly saturated in music and yesterday I remembered how it was when I moved into this home and got myself writing - music wasn't the focus, music was in the background: it was still there, but it was only a break from the writing like it is meant to be in my life now; not the distraction, not the overwhelming and intense obsession.
I also began reading Longitude by Dava Sobel last weekend and that helps create peace and quiet. I've had this book on my bookshelf for a few years now, but along with so many other books, had found it difficult to continue on with. Last week I found that moment that made me stay with the words and engage my thoughts with interest.
Last night I decided that since I couldn't get past Chapter 11, I would simply go to the chapters that I knew scenes existed for and begin writing those. And since the final chapter has been in my head for as long as Dim Day has been in existence, I went there this morning and started writing it.
Now I shall work my way backwards through each scene knowing what it leads into and where it leads from, and although they may be preliminary, at times skeletal and drafty, they at least set a sketch that I can build on top of. Part of the problem with Chapter 11, I think, is that I had a heap of bullet points preceding on from where I was writing, and those bullet points felt intrusive. I was also somewhat unsure about that scene's events in general.
Have men been robbed of something? Masculinity has robbed men of individuality and the ability to make decisions on their own. Instead they have all subjugated themselves to a cultural identity that has whipped them and removed personal responsibility from their selves.
If you want evidence of this, just view any video of males being taught "how to be a man", how to attract women, how to etc... it goes on because males are suckers for being told what to do, how to live their lives. Men of power continually suck weaker egos into their cash schemes, their bullying, by enticing males into concepts that prey on insecurities.
Propagandists may (or may not) be unique beings unto themselves, but all their followers are just that - followers. In no way unique, in no way individual, and in no way people who have thought their own thoughts and come to their own conclusions.
Compromising to follow
To its natural end,
Still close enough
To feel the blame
But how long can I stay,
Before we disintegrate?
Some updates to keep me updated.